Here's why:
Here name is Emme. She is my beautiful, spunky second child. My oldest, Elle, was only 6 months old when I found out Emme was in my belly. Elle was only 15 months old when Emme came unto the world -- I was still trying to figure out how to parent the first time around.
Thinking of Emme makes me smile, but sometimes makes me a bit anxious. Monday night was a particularly challenging night with her. Everything she was doing was getting on my nerves and when I did try to play with her, she would hit me by accident. Emme is 2 and into everything, so that means she swings alot of toys and knocks alot of toys down. My head, elbow, foot and eye get caught in the middle of the tornado.
I went to lunch with a friend at work (Lakeysha) on Tuesday and admitted that I really didn't know what Emme liked. I told her that if Elle and I spent a day together, I know EXACTLY
what we would go do and pretty much how the day would go.
If I spent that much time with 
Emme, I wouldn't know where to start. It almost makes me tear up that I am even admitting this. I keep blaming it on the fact that Emme doesn't really talk, so I don't know what she likes or wants.
Emme, I wouldn't know where to start. It almost makes me tear up that I am even admitting this. I keep blaming it on the fact that Emme doesn't really talk, so I don't know what she likes or wants.Lakeysha quickly called me out on that excuse and challenged me to go home and watch Emme and be patient with her and love her for who she is. Lakeysha also politely reminded me of what a "whirlwind" of a person I am. I am always preaching at work "I am who I am and I am not going to change." I also tend to "knock things down and swing stuff around -- in work terms."
I went home last night and started my quest to watch Emme and really get to know her. Instead of getting mad at her, I tried laughing. Instead of leaving her out of games with me and Elle b/c she is too "little", I embraced her littleness and asked Elle if we could play games that Emme likes.
That was only one night, so the challenge is really starting over with my parenting style with Emme. Do you have a good book suggestion? There has got to be one out there on parenting the 2nd child.
Joe and I never sat down and talked about how we were going to raise Emme -- it was never up for discussion; we were already raising Elle, so things should be the same, right?On a side note, Joe doesn't have this same issue with Emme. They immediately bonded. Joe says it is because Emme is just like me.
Love your suggestions and feedback.
Here are some pictures of my Emme.
6 comments:
Oh sweet Sara, let me just say first that there is only one right answer in parenting and that is...that there is no such thing as one right answer. In other words don't expect perfection out of yourself because even our worst parenting is better than no parenting and even in spite of us, our kids will grow up better because of us. (Wow that was an unnecessarily long sentence). I do want to offer one observation. Learning what our children like and dislike is good information for us to use in our most important job as parents right now which is to provide guidelines and structure, not necessarily friendship. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying we can’t have fun with our kids but I just know from my own experience that I probably wouldn’t have called my mom my “friend” until I was over the age of 20 but now she is one of my greatest friends and inspirations. Remember too that Elle is a year older and what a big difference it makes at their ages – there is no way you are going to know Emme as much purely on the basis of 16 months less of time. It’s probably harder for you than most because they are so close in age that you expect one to be just like the other in terms of attention span, interaction, etc. Just keep loving them like you are and pray like me for the second coming before they hit junior high! :)
I have no advice because I look to you for advice :) But I do have to say, how much does she look like you in her blue leotard? She is a cutie!!
That sweet 2nd child seems to be a challenge for all of us. :) I'm going through some of the same things. Hopefully we can figure this out together. I have learned to treat each one as an individual. I'm sure you've experienced this already - but I have to discipline differently with each girl. Let me know if you get any suggestions - I need all the help I can get.
I definitely can relate to the "I don't know what she likes comment" b/c with Chase, I knew exactly what he liked/needed. Then, when Syd came along, I didn't have a clue...and she was a girl, so I REALLY felt like I was supposed to know what she liked for sure! I will tell you that I truly believe it is an age thing! I remember even at Syd's 2nd Birthday people asked me what to get her and I remember thinking...I don't know b/c I don't even know what she likes. I was frustrated b/c I could name 100 things that Chase would love to get. So, I am here to tell you that there is HOPE! From experience, I can say that around 3 yrs. old, they start to become a "real person" with real likes and dislikes and begin to come into their "own". AND...for Syd's 3rd Birthday...I knew EXACTLY what she would like! :o) I hope that brings you encouragment my sweet friend! Parenting is HARD and EVERY day I too struggle with how to be the best mom that I can be...and every day I look back on the day and wish I had done something different.
this is the sweetest post and made me cry some tears. I think the greatest part is that you care to fix something that you think is wrong - even when it is so hard to make changes sometimes. You're an awesome mommy.
Our boys are just shy of 18 months apart (Sam- almost 4 yrs and Jack nearly 2 and a half). I've learned that for every difference between them- there is a similarity-- experience from #1 I can use or adapt for #2. When in doubt about what Jack likes/ enjoys, I remember- he's still figuring that out too. Yesterday he loved spinach but today not so much. Play-dough was cool 2 weeks ago, but now we're back to Lightning McQueen. Their opinions, talents, and loves are developing and constantly changing.... we try to keep up and offer love, opportunities, and direction as they bend. All kids love undivided attention- whether reading a book, going to the zoo, or just grocery shopping alone with mommy without having to compete to talk to her. Take time to enjoy the little things with both of them. Tom and I try to alternate who puts which boy to bed, so we have some 1 on 1 time with each one where all is still and quiet- no pressure to talk, but mom or dad is there to listen if they have something to talk about. Jack told me tonight about "his buddy" at school, and Sam asked last night why I love him- day by day we get to know them a little better and love them all the more. Hang in there.
-staci and tom price (joe's old roommate)
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